


Dandelions

by wayfmuke98



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Ashton Irwin - Freeform, Calum Hood - Freeform, Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin - Freeform, Death, Depressed Calum Hood, Depression, Doctor Luke, Flowers, Friend Michael, Innocent Ashton Irwin, Luke Hemmings - Freeform, M/M, Michael Clifford - Freeform, Michael clifford/Luke hemmings - Freeform, Sad, Sad Ending, Sickness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 14,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayfmuke98/pseuds/wayfmuke98
Summary: Dandelions are for wishes.Well, Calum never knew that until Ashton taught him. He admired the quiet boy from a distance until one day they spoke and Calum's life changed.But along the way, Calum forgot that not all wishes come true.orCalum is sad after the death of his sister. For the sake of his sanity, he moves houses. One day, he meets Ashton and slowly they fall in love. But Ashton has a secret that will ruin Calum even more then when they first met.This story is also on wattpad. Find me as wayfmuke98.
Relationships: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Luke Hemmings
Kudos: 10





	1. Free

**Author's Note:**

> New book! Please leave comments and kudos if you’re enjoying the book. They encourage me a lot and make my day :)
> 
> All ideas and context belongs to me, I do not own any of the characters. This is just a story. Please do not copy any of my work.

Calum pushed his earphones in and began running. He was tired, hot and sweaty but that didn't stop him from running because he needed to do this. It was the only time he felt his body burn with a passion. It gave him something to do with his useless life, something that made him feel alive. 

The banging of his heart; harsh, heavy breaths escaping from his mouth and the burning in his legs gave him a sense of living which he craved.

Calum's life had been like this for years since his sister died. He had no parents and no friends so he moved. He left the loud city life to somewhere more quiet and small, somewhere he may feel like he belonged. 

After an hour or so, Calum stopped and bent down, leaning on his knees as he took heavy breaths. He looked around and recognised the area. He was nearly home.

Wiping the sweat from his brows, he chugged his water down and took off his earphones. He then stuffed them into his pocket and sighed. Calum gave himself a few minutes before he'd begin the walk home. The wind was strong but not cold and he could feel it whip against his cheeks. 

The area wasn't that bad, the people were nice and seemed to have accepted him but Calum still felt out of place. He just wanted to belong.

The sun had nearly gone down but there was still some light in the sky so he decided to take the long way home. He wasn't in a rush today.

That's when he noticed a big meadow. It was huge, hard to miss, and Calum frowned as he studied the land. There were no flowers or trees, just dandelions. Ugly dandelions. The tall soldiers filled the space; fluff from them flying around and he grimaced. What a waste of space.

Calum’s chocolate brown eyes carried on analysing the field and that's when he noticed someone.

A boy.

The boy was small and he was huddled on a large rock, his arms were wrapped around himself and he had on a dark jumper that looked two sizes too big. He was staring into the horizon, clearly not noticing Calum. The boy seemed to be lost in his thoughts and Calum watched him for a while, wondering what on earth he was doing and why he was there.

With a shrug of his shoulders, the tanned boy turned away and carried on walking home: forgetting about the boy on the rock.


	2. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of the character, this is only a work of fiction. The story and plot line are however mine.

Calum had been in bed for the past few days. He had lost all motivation to go about his everyday life. The Maori was tired of forcing himself out of bed and acting like everything was fine when to be honest, he didn't know if it was. His mind and heart was so empty, he didn't know how to feel anymore. 

Calum knew he had changed. It was a no brainer. He wasn't exactly happy or sad, he was just empty. Emotionless and lost. Death seemed more inviting right now because there was no one to pretend for, no one there at all. Just how it had always been since the night his sister died. 

He wasn't like this before. Calum lived for adventure, adrenaline and love. He loved waking up and going about his day. Calum liked dressing up and going out and god, Calum missed Michael. Michael and Calum were best friends but when his sister died, he left everything and everyone behind. He still had Michael's number saved somewhere on his phone but he was too scared to call.

In a world so big, Calum had no one. He was alone. Everywhere he went, every person he saw, just made him feel even more alone. These people connected with each other, they listened, learned and felt and Calum wasn't capable of any of those. 

Despite all this, he still forced his legs out of his bed to get ready for the day. He wore the same dark clothes he always did and went downstairs to eat before he walked out. 

For some reason, he had dragged himself to the meadows looking for a familiar body but no one was there. He scoffed at how pathetic he was but to be fair, Calum didn't have anything else to do. This was the first person he had seen that seemed to enjoy their own company or had none. Calum couldn't help but feel curious. 

He walked into the meadows, treading on the ugly weeds before he bent down to pluck one from where it was planted in the earth. 

He twiddled it between his index finger and thumb, lightly touching the fuzzy part. A few flew off and he watched them in awe, fascinated for a second by the beauty of it before he crushed it and let it fall to the floor. 

Looking around, Calum sighed at the silence and peace before he sat down. He made sure to sit somewhere away from the large rocks just in case the boy returned and wanted to sit there again.

Now all Calum had to do was wait.


	3. Invisible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This book is also on wattpad, you can find me as wayfmuke98 :) If you’re enjoying then please leave comments and kudos, it encourages me to update more frequently and quicker and it also makes my day. Stay safe and take care.

Calum had been planted to the ground for hours now. It was dark out and he had given up, deciding it was time to go home. But then he heard footsteps. They were light and dainty and the dark eyed boy looked up.

There he was.

This time the boy was wearing a burnt orange coloured jumper, from what Calum could see, his hair was curly and he was small. He walked slowly, taking his time, before he reached the huge rock and sat down hugging his knees to his chest like yesterday.

Calum shuffled backwards hoping that the long, wild flowers could hide him as he watched the boy. The curly haired stranger held the stem of a dandelion carefully between his fingers; admiring it before he closed his eyes. His lips moved slightly before his eyes fluttered open and he blew at the weed.

Calum watched him place the bare stem down and look out into the distance. It was silent except for the soft gushes of the wind and Calum felt at peace. 

It was too dark to see the boy properly and Calum sighed, wishing it was brighter. 

The small boy fascinated Calum. No one in their right mind would come to a field at night and sit there in silence. Calum had a million questions to ask the boy, he had never wanted to talk to someone this much before. But he decided against it.

After some time, the Maori decided it was time to get home. He was tired and just wanted to slip into bed and fade away. 

He brushed the dust off his jeans and stole one last glance at the curly haired, sweater clad stranger before he set off in the distance, hoping that the boy was too busy gazing at the moon to hear his heavy footsteps leaving the field full of 'flowers'.


	4. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cashton meet!

Calum worked at the local store. If he was being honest, he didn't need the money. Calum and his sister acquired money from when they're grandparents died. Quite a lot of money. Everything had been given to Calum's sister seeming as she was old enough. The minute Calum's sister was handed the money she moved out, with Calum and the two spent their days having sleepovers in each other's room and baking cakes at 3am. Calum missed her so much.

When she died, everything was given to Calum. So he really wouldn't need to work for the rest of his life if he was good with the money he was given but Calum needed something to make him feel normal. He took up a job so he had a few hours of the day where he was not thinking about his sad life but rather on how to scan customers items quick enough to keep them happy.

Glancing at his watch, Calum saw he had another hour and a half of this left before he could go home. He was quite tired since it took him forever to get to sleep last night. Waking up today was a nightmare.

***

As soon as he got through the doors, Calum collapsed onto his couch and fell asleep. The next time his eyes opened it was dark out, making him groan, Calum had fucked his sleeping pattern. 

Rubbing his eyes, the tired boy stumbled into his kitchen and gulped down some water and quickly made himself a sandwich to eat. 

And just like that, he found himself outside on his way to the flowers. Definitely not to see the stranger.

Calum had no idea why he was in a rush but he bumped into someone and scowled ready to scold them but that’s when he stopped.

The boy he rushed into was breathtaking. He was short and timid, glasses perched on his nose and his lips were tugged behind his teeth. His eyes were huge in fright and Calum couldn't see what colour they were because of the dark. His hair was a tangled mess of curls and that’s when Calum realised who it was.

"S-sorry." The scared boy trembled and the dark haired boy instantly felt bad for scaring him. 

"It's okay." He said, voice soft. "I should've watched where I was going."

The boy nodded and slipped past Calum, walking away but Calum turned around, "Wait! I'm going to the meadows too."

The small stranger turned around in shock and curiosity and Calum's cheeks were on fire as he realised how creepy he sounded.

"I- well um.."

Calum stuttered over his words. How could he tell the younger boy that he wasn’t a creep, he just noticed him once and found him intriguing. The small boy was still staring at him, big doe eyes that were distracting Calum.

"I- I’m Calum."


	5. Wishes

Calum was sat down beside the curly haired stranger. It was quiet but Calum enjoyed it, there was no tension between the two. He had watched how the boy plucked out yet another dandelion and closed his eyes, mumbling a few words before blowing on it. When he turned to Calum he blushed, realising that Calum had been watching.

"Why do you do that?" The Maori asked.

"Do what?"

"Blow on the dandelions and break them?"

The boy's eyes widened in disbelief, "You don't know what they're for?"

Calum shook his head in confusion and the small boy giggled. The sound was soft and sweet and Calum couldn't help but break out into a smile. 

"I make wishes."

Calum nodded as he picked a dandelion, absentmindedly playing with it.

"Why? What do you wish for?" He asked looking back up.

He noticed the way the younger boy stiffened and looked down, fingers tugging at the grass beneath him, "It doesn't matter."

Calum just nodded, "Okay."

The boy beside him looked up at the moon, his eyes shining and Calum's head tilted slightly to the right as he gazed at him. He was gorgeous. 

"What's your name?"

The boy in the light blue sweater turned to Calum and smiled, "I'm Ashton but don't call me that, call me Ash."

"Ash." Calum hummed testing out the name, he liked it.

Ashton giggled at that and Calum looked down smiling. Ashton was someone new and he liked him, Calum liked his company a lot.

The giggly boy tugged on a dandelion and passed it to Calum, eyes beaming.

"Make a wish." He said excitedly and Calum took the flower.

The boy sat up on his knees, hands on his thighs. The excitement was clear on his features and Calum had no idea why the boy was so thrilled by the action of making a wish on a weed, it wouldn't even come true.

Nevertheless, he clenched his eyes shut wishing he'd see his sister Mali sometime soon before he blew on it.

Ashton clapped his hands together, a huge smile on his lips and Calum chuckled. 

The two boys stayed there a little longer until Calum decided it was time to go home because he had missed out on quite a lot of sleep.

"Bye Ash." He said quietly and the small boy nodded with a smile. 

"Bye Cal, will I see you tomorrow?" He asked cheekily and Calum chuckled.

"Maybe you will, maybe you won't."

Ashton giggled at that and waved before turning around to look out into the distance again.

Calum walked all the way home with a huge smile on his face, he liked the way Ashton had called him Cal.


	6. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be nice. Where do you think the story is going?

Calum woke up with a bounce in his body and a smile on his lips. It wasn't hard to think of what the cause of his sudden happiness was but he pretended he didn't know. He didn't want to seem too attracted to the stranger yet. Ashton, that was his name. 

He pulled on his clothes and rushed downstairs, quickly eating his breakfast before brushing his teeth. He had nothing to do now. 

Calum didn't know if Ashton was gonna be there, he hoped so. But his wishes went down the drain when he saw the empty spot in the fields. The Maori boy frowned slightly, his shoulders deflating. He should've asked for the boys number or something. 

With a sigh, Calum carried on walking until a thought ran through his mind. He contemplated whether he should or shouldn't but after some time he pulled his mobile out and scrolled through his contacts. ‘Please don't change your number.’ He mumbled biting his lip before then pressing call.

It took a few rings until the call went through; Calum was stunned. He kept the phone to his ear listening to the silence until the familiar sound of his best friend swearing could be heard and Calum broke out into a grin, tears in his eyes.

"Whoever this is, fuck off before I change my number. I'm tired of the same shit phone calls. Changing your number won't make it any less hard to know it's you."

Before Michael could carry on his rant Calum spoke up, "Mikey it's me, Cal."

The phone was dead quiet and Calum's heart beat rose. "Mikey?"

The line got cut off.

The dark haired boy looked down at his phone with glistening eyes. He had expected it but he just wasn't ready for it. Calum wished he could go back in time and sort things out and really let Michael know how much he loves and misses him but it's too late.

He pushed his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and quickly brushed the tears away. He didn't care if Ashton was there or not, he just wanted some space and time, somewhere where he could think.

So he went to the meadows.


	7. Just Bloom

It had been a few days since that call and Calum had seemed to force himself to forget about the sadness in his heart. It was easy when he had Ashton. The boys light giggles and pretty smile was so distracting. 

Calum sat opposite the boy, watching him play with a dandelion and talk about what he did today. He was so beautiful and Calum didn't know why the stranger he knew so little about, affected him so much.

He wished it was morning. So he could see the real colour of his eyes and hair. So they could both stop hiding behind the shadows. It all seemed like a distant dream, something he'd forget when he'd wake up. Calum didn't want to forget because it was just too good.

"Ash, why do you always come out here at night?" Calum asked, "I've never seen you in the daylight."

Ashton stopped playing with the weed in his hand and looked up. He took a deep breath and spoke, "Why do you always come to see me?"

Calum frowned, "I don't always come to see you." 

Ashton chuckled faintly, "You do. And I can't figure out why, I'm not that interesting. You're right, I do come out here only at night. It's the only time I have time to myself, I can think here and make wishes without anyone else bothering me."

Calum was still frowning as he thought over the boy's words, "Do I bother you?"

Ashton hummed lightly making Calum's heart race at the thought of bothering the pretty boy.

"If I was bothering you, why'd you not just ask me to leave?" He asked quietly and Ashton shrugged. 

"You're the only person that listens to me and seems interested. You treated me like a real person since the first time you saw me and I liked that. I didn't feel like.." the golden haired boy fumbled over his words and didn't finish his sentence leaving a curious Calum.

"What don't you feel like?" He asked and Ashton turned away looking at the moon. "It doesn't matter."

Calum sighed in frustration, the small boy never seemed to want to open up to him and Calum understood why but he just wished that Ashton would talk because Calum missed the intimacy of human connection. 

He lay back down, the grass tickling the skin on his neck and around his ears and he just closed his eyes. Calum let his mind go crazy about the boy beside him until he felt a light tap on his knee, he opened one eye and saw that Ashton had handed him a piece of paper.


	8. Reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of the characters. Check out my wattpad!

Calum took the paper and held it between his fingers. He remained where he was, sprawled on the floor with the moonlight kissing his skin, but this time, Ashton had shuffled beside him. The boys fingers were unknowingly gripping onto the hem of Calum's t-shirt but Calum didn't mind.

'That's my family." He said quietly, "My mum, brother and sister." 

Calum studied the picture as he listened to the boy speak. "I loved them a lot."

"Loved?" Calum asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Ashton sighed sadly avoiding the dark eyed boys gaze, "They died."

Calum gulped and tried to process the information Ashton had just told him. It didn't seem fair that someone as sweet and bubbly as Ashton had had his whole family snatched away from him. 

"So why did you stop loving them?" He asked gently. 

When Calum heard the small sniff from the sad boy he instantly regretted his decision, he didn't want Ashton to cry. The strings in his heart were pulling too much and he found it harder to breath because of all of the sadness that sat inside him, suffocating his organs.

"Because they left me."

Calum didn't know what to say to that. He really was clueless.

Ashton took the picture back and stuffed it in his pockets before hastily wiping his tears away. He stood up and Calum's eyes followed him, "I think I'm going to go back now."

Calum didn't want Ashton to leave.

"Please don't, not yet." He pleaded and watched how Ashton looked away, wiping his cheeks with the huge sleeves of his sweater. He was trying hard not to cry and look weak but Calum wanted to let him know that it was okay to be weak. It was okay to let go of yourself because letting yourself go only made you more stronger but he was afraid Ashton would find that hard to believe so he kept quiet.

"I'm sorry Cal." The boy whispered and Calum looked down, nodding in defeat.

It was silent and Calum hated it. He scowled at the ugly weeds around him until he heard someone cough. He looked up, shocked that Ashton was still here.

"Maybe instead of meeting up here again at this time, we can see each other earlier?" Ashton mumbled, "Maybe at the coffee shop?"

Calum's eyes widened at Ashton's suggestion and he nodded breathlessly. 

"Okay..yeah, I'd like that."

Ashton gave him a small smile before waving goodbye and leaving him alone with the moon.


	9. Feelings

Calum had been at the coffee shop since it had opened at six in the morning. He was on his third cup of coffee, his knee bouncing up and down in anxiousness, anticipation and also probably from the caffeine. He was sure the workers thought he was being stood up but he wasn't to bothered about their thoughts on him. Not when it'd be the first time he'd see Ashton in the daylight.

He didn't know how long it had been since he'd clenched the mug in his hands. The cold, brown liquid swirling inside reminded him of his sisters beautiful eyes. 

He smiled sadly to himself, getting caught up in all of the sadness he kept hidden away but then he heard the little bell on top of the cafe door ring and his head snapped up, eyes widening in awe. Ashton was finally here.

Calum couldn't take his eyes off the small boy. 

He had a head full of golden curls that tumbled in every direction, his small body hidden behind the maroon sweater he had on. The boy was biting his lips as he scanned the room. Calum's eyes zoned into the soft, tanned skin of his collarbones and god was Calum obsessed.

He stood up quickly and that's when Ashton's eyes caught his. The two were in a trance and Calum hoped he wasn't the only with the butterflies in his body.

Ashton gave him a small smile and took small steps towards the table Calum was at before he giggled nervously. 

"Hi Cal."

Calum couldn't stop staring and Ashton giggled again, feeling more comfortable, "Cal?"

"Sorry." Calum blushed and pulled a chair out for Ashton before sitting in his own.

"You're gorgeous." Calum said softly making Ashton blush. His cheeks were a pretty shade of pink and he looked down bashfully, his curls hanging loose. 

"Thank you." He said softly and Calum waited for him to look up. And when he did, he was blown away.

Hazel eyes were looking back at his own. Calum could see how the green in his eyes perfectly melted into the soft brown hues and how when he moved or smiled the gold specks would shine. His eyes were like earth itself, the rich brown colour of the soil and the light green of the grass keeping you grounded with the little reminders that the sun would always be here at the end of a storm. 

Calum knew that he was in trouble. He was so fucked for falling for someone with a heart that deserved to be loved when his own was finding it a struggle to love himself.


	10. Surprise Visitor

Calum was finding it harder and harder to contain his feelings for Ashton. It was worse since he hadn't seen Ashton in a week. The two boys hadn't seen each other at all. Calum had spent every night, until four in the morning, waiting for the boy to turn up but he never did.

He carried on shelving the items hoping he'd see the boy soon. Calum grimaced as he did his work, he hated shelving, it was long and tedious. He couldn't wait to get home.

He was very surprised when he walked home and saw a small, sweater clad boy sitting on the big rock in the meadows. He couldn't stop himself from rushing over and greeting the boy with a hug.

To say Ashton was surprised would be an understatement. It took a minute for him to realise what was going on before he wrapped his own arms around Calum; holding him tight to his chest despite the pain in his heart.

"Ash, I missed you." Calum said softly, "Where were you?"

Ashton pulled back and sighed, "You shouldn't miss me. I was just sick, I had a cold. Sorry."

"That's okay. You're fine now, that's all that matters." Calum said truthfully and let out a breath. "Wanna come over to mine? I'm kinda hungry."

Ashton giggled and stood up, "Sure."

The two spoke a lot on the way there, Calum letting Ashton know everything he had missed during the past week he had been gone. Ashton listened eagerly, he loved hearing Calum talk. What surprised the two was seeing a red haired boy stand outside of Calum's house. 

Calum looked like he had seen a ghost, forgetting about Ashton's presence for a bit.

"Mikey?"

The red head turned around and smiled weakly before he walked up the pair and held Calum to him tightly. 

"Fuck Cal, it's been so long."

Ashton stood awkwardly not knowing what was going on, he watched how the pair hugged each other with a lot of passion. The quiet sobs weren't missed and the slight possibility of the red haired boy being a past lover of Calum's made Ashton slightly jealous. He didn't know why though, it's not like he'd ever have Calum. 

Finally, the pair pulled away with glazed over eyes.

"Ash, meet Mike. My best friend."


	11. Rekindle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. I'm so sorry for the slow updates, hopefully I can get back on track soon! Stay safe <3

Ashton sat listening to the two boys speak, he saw the way Calum's eyes had a happier spark in them and he was so glad the two had resolved any past issues they had.

Calum, Michael and Ashton were sprawled on the floor. Calum sitting beside Ashton, a hand placed on his knee making the small boy smile to himself secretly whenever he looked at it.

The two old friends were talking whilst Ashton listened, he didn't mind. He had always been more of a listener and it was nice admiring Calum's smile.

He couldn't help but let his thoughts trail. He wished that whatever he was feeling for Calum would go away or that he could allow to let it grow because he really liked the tanned boy.

But it wouldn't be possible to let his feelings grow without hurting anyone.

Ashton hated himself for being so weak, if he wasn't like this then maybe him and Calum could become something more.

The curly haired boy stood up quickly and wiped his tears, hiding them from the others.

"Ash?" Calum asked, his voice filled with concern; Ashton had to turn around. "Where are you going?"

"I don't feel too good, Cal. Maybe I'm not as well as I thought I was. I'm just gonna go for now and leave you two to it. Maybe I'll see you tonight." He said quietly, watching the way Calum's brows knitted together as he frowned.

"Are you sure?" He asked and Ashton only nodded.

That's when Michael spoke up, "My boyfriends coming 'round in a few. He's training to be a doctor, maybe he could help?" He offered and Calum nodded at the idea but Ashton just wanted to go home and sleep.

Truth be told, Ashton was sick and tired of being sad and crying alone at home in bed but he was even more fed up with the endless hours he had spent at the hospital surrounded with doctors trying to fix his useless lungs.

"No thank you, I'd rather sleep this off but I appreciate it." The sick boy spoke softly. Michael and Calum nodded with sympathy in their eyes, more so Calum but Ashton knew he also had questions. Ashton wasn't sure if he'd have answers to them.

He slipped into his shoes and opened the door, trying hard to keep the tears at bay and when he opened the door his eyes widened in fear.

"Luke?"


	12. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going through an obsessive writing phase where I really want to write but can't :(

The blond boy at the door looked at Ashton in confusion, "Ashton what are you doing here?"

He tried to think of a reasonable explanation but then he was interrupted by Michael. The red haired boy called out for his boyfriend with a grin and Ashton sighed out in relief as he pushed Luke towards him and shut the door.

The couple hugged and kissed each other before Luke took a place on the sofa, huddled up into Michael with a huge smile on his face.

Calum had just found out that his best friend had been living here for a few months now and he was surprised that they'd never once ran into each other. He was ecstatic that Michael was willing to overlook the past; Michael missed Calum too much to let him slip away again. And anyway, Calum was grieving, he was in a lot of emotional pain so Michael didn't want to hold that against him. Mali meant everything to Calum.

"So, Ashton what are you doing here?" Luke asked with a frown and Ashton just really wanted to tell his doctor to leave him alone.

The sweater clad boy knew Luke knew he had missed his appointment today and he didn't want Calum to find out. He didn't want anyone to know what was wrong with him.

"Nothing much, I was just leaving." He said quietly. Calum noticed the way his voice quietened and he frowned.

"You sure Ash?" Calum asked. The Maori boy raised his brows, a secret exchange between the two and the smaller boy nodded. He gave Calum a small smile.

"I've got to get going." Ashton whispered.

Calum frowned, he didn't want Ashton to leave.

But he pushed it away. "If that's what you want." He said sadly and Michael eyed him with a small smirk.

"Bye guys." He mumbled.

"Ashton, can I speak to you for a second?"

The golden haired boy sighed and looked down at his feet as he walked out of the room, hearing Luke's footsteps behind him. The two situated themselves in the corridor, the shorter boy avoided the doctor's eyes.

"Hey, are you sure you're okay. Why'd you not turn up today?" Luke asked genuinely sounding worried. But Ashton couldn't tell if it was real because he was a doctor, he was meant to sympathise with his patients.

"I forgot." He lied.

Luke hummed, knowing Ashton wasn't telling the truth but he decided to let it slide. "Okay, if you feel any worse make sure you come visit me at the hospital. You should never neglect your health or your well-being Ashton." He said softly.

Luke gave him a smile and turned to walk back into the room but Ashton stopped him.

"Umm, Luke? C-can we keep this between us?" He asked shyly, "I don't want the others to know."

The doctor frowned, "Is that the best thing to do? I think Calum's very fond of you, he'll be upset to know you kept this from him. He deserves to know the truth. What if one day you can't tell him?" Luke asked his voice low and laced with concern. He could see the way Ashton's eyes teared up despite him looking down and avoiding his gaze and the doctor felt sick.

Luke wanted to be a doctor so he could help people. It's what he's always wanted to do. He knew in his heart that he wanted to make a difference for his patients and help them live a longer and healthier life but it killed him to know such beautiful, wonderful people like Ashton and know that there was nothing he could do to save them. No medicine or technology in this world could save the boy from being taken away. And he hated that part of his job so much.

He hated watching blooming flowers wilt away into the soil and disappear. As if they'd never been here before.


	13. Flower Boy

Calum hadn't been too good lately. Work was getting tedious, his emotions were flowing overboard and he hadn't seen Ashton in days. He was sat cross legged in the meadows, chin resting on his knuckles as he looked out into the distance.

It was one of those days he missed Mali a lot. He'd look up at the dark clouds and his mind would fly back to the days his sister would drag him outside during a storm and make him dance with her.

He kinda wished Ashton was here, to talk to him and make him happy again. Calum hadn't seen Ashton since that day he came round and left early because he felt sick. Calum still couldn't believe he hadn't asked the boy for his number, so now Calum was stuck missing the boy and wondering if he was okay.

He plucked a dandelion and decided to give it a go and make a wish to see if it'd made him feel better.

Clenching his eyes shut, Calum wished that Ashton would get better soon and that he'd see him again because Calum was missing him a lot. Then he blew the flower, hoping it'd work.

As he sat there, watching the loose tendrils fly around he couldn't help but feel pathetic. Wishes he made on shooting stars when he was a child didn't come true, otherwise Calum wouldn't be sitting here by himself, mourning the death of his sister and longing for the presence of a certain curly haired boy.

He scowled and ripped the flowers near him and threw them away. He hated how things turned out, there was no justice in the world. All the good ones got taken too early, and Calum wished he could change that.

But he knew that deep inside, a little part of him beloved in luck and wishes because when he was younger, he also wished to find someone to love and Calum thinks he might have found that person.


	14. Coffee

Ashton was getting better. That's what he had said to Calum. The two were sat in a small booth at the back of a vintage cafe. Calum was drinking his milkshake whilst Ashton sipped lightly on his water. It was clear that the boy still wasn't feeling his best. 

He had pale skin, and limp hair. His eyes weren't shining and he looked so tired. Ashton had insisted they went out but now Calum wanted to take him home. 

The dark haired boy reached forward and lightly held Ashton’s hand in his, rubbing the soft skin. Brown eyes met hazel; and so did the rivers and the soil. Bright blue waters and dried soil, little weeds hiding between each compound and even though one half of their world was dying, the two loved what little they had.

"Come on Flower Boy." He said quietly and the sick boy was too tired to fight. Ashton stood up in defeat and followed Calum out. 

He felt so useless and so stupid but he couldn't do anything. Once the two were sat comfortably in their seats, Calum let out a breath. 

"I'm gonna take you back to mine, yeah. We can watch some films and have some snacks or we can just rest." He said softly looking at Ashton and this time Ashton gave a real smile. He nodded his head slowly, liking the suggestion of just relaxing with Calum and he shyly reached out to hold Calum's fingers in his. 

"Thank you." He whispered softly and Calum just smiled.

When they arrived. Calum jogged over to Ashton and carried him in his arms. This made the curly haired boy blush but no one missed the small smile on his lips.

Calum took his time moving the pillows and placing the blankets making it perfect for Ashton and Ashton just wanted to cry. He had never been treated so specially before. And when Calum turned around to seek his approval, the hazel eyed boy pulled him in and held him close. 

"Thank you so much Calum, for everything. It truly means so much to me." He said thickly, swallowing tears which Calum was unaware of.

"It's okay Ash, I like making you happy."

Both boys blushed but none of them picked up the topic, instead just lying down and snuggling into each other. 

“You’re my gorgeous little flower boy.”


	15. Falling

Calum was no idiot, he knew there was something Ashton was hiding from him. And he felt like tearing his hair out.

Calum knew why it affected him so much; it was bound to happen.

Somewhere along the way of their late night conversations and the how they held onto each other's hands in the dark, Calum had fallen. And now he didn't know how to get back up.

He could spend hours watching the pretty boy: watching him smile when he looked at the flowers and listening to his giggles. Calum insisted they were better than any song in the world.

But it hurt, watching Ashton hide away.

Calum hated seeing Ashton keep his distance because he was scared of something and Calum wanted to know what it was.

"Ash." He called out and the curly haired boy turned around.

Calum was struck by his eyes, they never seemed to stop changing colour, each shade of green and brown twirling into each other and taking Calum for a ride he never wanted to get off.

"Come here." He said quietly and Ashton wasted no time crawling into Calum's lap; leaning against the Maori boy as he looked up at the sun.

Calum's hands trailed lovingly over Ashton's thigh and the smaller lad sighed in content. He could sense something was off with his dark eyed friend so he spoke up.

"What's wrong Cal? Is something on your mind?"

His words hung in the air as Calum let out a breath. How was he supposed to tell Ashton that it was him? That he invaded every inch of Calum's thoughts and never seemed to leave. His bronze skin and honey coloured hair seemed to be everywhere Calum went and his hazel eyes taunted him even in his sleep.

"I've just got a lot on my mind." He said softly.

Ashton sat up and turned around to face him. A look of worry was painted on his delicate features and Calum couldn't think straight. He was so beautiful. 

Ashton was so fucking beautiful.


	16. Cherry Coloured Lips

Ashton was still perched on Calum's lap, worrying about the tanned boy and Calum didn't know what to say to him.

"You can tell me anything Cal, I'd never judge you." Ashton whispered softly placing his hand beside Calum's. Their fingertips grazed each others and Ashton's cheeks were flushed a light pink colour. Calum couldn't wait anymore.

He reached out and tucked a golden curl away to reveal Ashton's gorgeous eyes and the boy's breath hitched as his gaze was fixed on Calum's.

The pair were awestruck by each other's eyes and before they knew it, Calum had leaned forward connecting their lips.

Ashton's lips were smooth and plush and so inviting and Calum kissed him gently, hoping that Ashton would kiss back.

He heard the sudden gasp leave Asgton's lips earlier, maybe he doesn't want this? Calum pulled away sadly, his lips still ghosting over the smaller boys and that's when Ashton had leaned over. Wrapping his arms around Calum's neck, shyly kissing him again.

Ashton's lips were sweet; red like cherries and tasted like strawberries.

Calum couldn't believe it, his eyes were wide in shock as the boy kissed him. He didn't hold himself back- he couldn't, placing soft hands on thin hips, Calum kissed Ashton back, loving the slight dip in his body and how the boy held him close.

Their lips moved slowly against each other; Calum was on cloud nine. And when they finally pulled away, the brown eyed boy studied the pink blush on Ashton's cheek and then his plump lips before he sat back with a smile.

"Ash." He began, the shy boy looked down avoiding his gaze, making Calum chuckle. "Sunshine look up at me."

At the name, Ashton slowly raised his chin, heart aching at the loving gaze Calum was giving him. Ashton didn't know why he kissed Calum.

Well, he did. He really liked Calum.

But Ashton wasn't allowed to, he had overstepped his barriers, this would only end up hurting the Maori boy but Ashton wanted this so bad. He wanted to be Calum's, so bad, no matter how selfish it was of him.

He decided to ignore the truths in his heart because telling Calum would mean he'd be alone again. Calum would find someone better, who wasn't ill and wouldn't leave him like Ashton would one day.

With a big breath, he let himself smile and just like that he forgot his problems. Because looking at the way Calum's eyes creased at the corners and the way his nose scrunched up when he smiled was so much more important and lovely.

"Hi." He squeaked out and Calum just shook his head chuckling, "What am I gonna do with you?" He whispered to himself as he pulled the boy in closer.

And that's how the two stayed, wrapped in each others arms.

Ashton wouldn't want to be anywhere else.


	17. Secrets and Lies

Ashton was sat on a chair. Sybconsciously, his left foot kept tapping anxiously on the ground. Luke's voice droned on, Ashton already knew what the blond was talking about. It was the same thing every time, about taking his medicine and coming to the hospital whenever he didn't feel well. He watched the doctor speak until he pushed the papers aside and placed his hands on the table sending him a soft smile.

His friend was back.

"What's on your mind Ashton?" He asked and the sick boy let out a huge breath, his shoulders deflating as he sank into the seat.

"Truthfully?" He asked and Luke nodded.

"Calum."

Luke had a small smile on his face as he sat back, glancing at his watch, they had a few more minutes before he had to see his next patient. "You really like him, don't you?"

The older boy nodded his head, looking down at his lap whilst blushing, "A lot."

It was silent as the two thought other things and then Ashton spoke up suddenly, "He kissed me."

Luke's eyebrows rose up, happiness filled his heart; Ashton deserved this.

The boy in front of him was staring at his sweater paws, a huge smile on his face as his golden hair hung down. "I like him so much Luke, it's scary."

The doctor sat up and sighed, Ashton heard the wheels of his chair and looked up. The look in Luke's blue eyes revealed it all and Ashton looked away in disappointment. Luke's lips opened, ready to talk but Ashton spoke before him.

"I can't tell him. He'll leave me."

"Ash you can't hide this."

"I can." He whispered, It's only for a few more months."

Luke looked at him sadly, "What are you gonna do when you're gone? Who's gonna tell him because I'm not Ash, it's your story. He'll be devastated."

Ashton had tears in his eyes, he wiped them away quickly. He hated crying over this, he didn't want to die. Not like this, not this young. He hated himself, his body, for being so weak and letting the illness take over him. He had such little time left, the medicine was supposed to make it longer but he stopped taking those. What was the point? His death was inevitable, there was no point living longer if he was still in so much pain.

Maybe he could take them, for Calum. But then he'd have more time to create so many more memories and then their goodbye would be even harder.

"He'll hate me."


	18. No More Wishes

"Why would he hate you Ash? If it was you in Calum's place would you hate yourself?" Luke asked. Ashton sighed in defeat, shaking his head. 

"Don't be so scared Ashton, tell him or you'll regret it. Make those memories because they'll be all he has left of you."

Luke frowned at his watch and stood up, "I'll see you at your next appointment."

Ashton nodded and stood up too, walking towards the door. 

"Make sure you're not forgetting to take your medicine." He said kindly and Ashton gave him a fake smile. "I won't."

He walked out of the hospital and back home. Maybe he should've died with his family, he'd much rather die in a crash, quickly and less painful then by something that got worse every day with no clue when it'd be done playing and just end him.

He kicked a stone and decided to go to the meadows. But as soon as he arrived he didn't feel the urge to make a wish. 

All his wishes for the past few months, nearly a year had been to make him live longer. And he believed that they worked, a wish a day, because he kept waking up to a new sky. His heart still kept beating, his lungs still supplied him with oxygen.

He sat on the ground getting so lost in the flowers he hadn't noticed the Maori boy watching him. Calum had a small frown on his lips, the boy he had kissed didn't smile and make his wish like usual. Instead, his finger were pulling at the fluffy part, breaking it apart and ruining it.

He walked towards him and sat down, "Ash?"

Ashton broke out of his trance and blushed, he quickly glanced at Calum's lips before looking away. "Hi."

Calum chuckled sadly, "What's wrong, no wish today?" 

Ashton looked down at the ruined flower and shrugged, "I can't think of any."

Calum nodded and sat himself closer to the boy smiling when Ashton rested his head against Calum's shoulder.

The tanned boy leaned over and plucked a dandelion. "I have a wish to make."


	19. I Always Smile Around You

Ashton raised his brows in confusion, Calum never wished. Except for that one time, the other times he'd just watch Ashton wish on the weeds and then smile to himself.

"What are you wishing for?" Ashton whispered. 

Calum hummed and tapped his nose, "Nosey."

The boy groaned and pouted, "Please tell me."

Calum smiled to himself in amusement, "You're the one who knows everything about wishes, if I tell you then it won't come true."

Ashton frowned to himself, he looked at Calum with wide eyes and a pout. The dark haired boy laughed at him, and leaned forward so their noses were nearly touching. 

"If you kiss me then I might be able to tell you." He whispered and Ashton blushed. He steadied himself before leaning over and kissing his soft lips. Calum's hands rose up to delicately hold Ashton's cheek and the smaller boy leaned into it. The kiss was short and sweet and Calum's couldn't stop smiling. 

Ashton sat back still in a daze from thinking about the lingering feeling of Calum's lips on his own. 

Calum caught Ashton's eyes and grinned, "Thanks for making my wish come true."

It took the boy a few seconds to realise what Calum had meant and then he blushed heavily and hid his face in the big sleeves of his sweater. 

"You're adorable, do you know that?" Calum asked lightly pinching his cheeks and Ashton bit his lips to stop himself from smiling so hard. 

Something about Calum made him happier and urged him to live his life and so maybe that's why he reached over and plucked the biggest dandelion he could find.

He closed his eyes and this time, wished that him and Calum could be together forever and that the boy would never be sad. He opened his eyes and blew on it before looking at Calum. 

"What'd you wish for?" Calum asked and Ashton shrugged his shoulder. He wasn't going to tell Calum and jinx it. 

"Nothing." He said softly. "Just smile for me?" He asked and that's what Calum did. He leaned over and pecked Ashton's lips quickly, pulling away with a massive grin. "I always smile around you." He whispered. 

Maybe Ashton should've wished for Calum to keep on smiling even when he was gone.


	20. Did I Hurt You?

Weeks filled with sunshine, dandelions and long kisses had gone by and Ashton felt really happy for once. But just like it always did, his illness had come creeping back and he was stuck in hospital.

It was getting harder and harder to breathe, each breath felt like his lungs had burst into flames. His eyes were teary as he fell further into his thoughts and he wished he could make enough tears to stop the fire in his heart.

There were wires connected to his body and he normally wouldn't have been scared but this time there were way too many wires.

He leaned over and picked the bowl from the side table, spitting into it and grimacing at the blood. The nurse in the room gave him a sad look but that only made things worse. He didn't know how long he'd be here until he was discharged but he really hoped it was soon.

Ashton missed Calum.

His phone chimed- Ashton already knew who it was. Sighing he took it in his hands, he couldn't ignore Calum anymore.

The brown eyed boy had left a total of 28 messages in the span of a few days.

Ashton had ignored them all.

His heart hurt as he read all of them, Calum had stated that he had been bored and wanted to see his 'sunshine'. He said that he missed Ashton a lot and that he was worried if he upset the boy.

Calum was extremely worried about Ashton, it wasn't like him to ignore Calum and to stop visiting the meadows. Calum knew Ashton always made a wish, every day. So where was he?

Calum finally decided to visit his best friend, voice low and eyes sad as he talked to Michael, worried that he had unintentionally hurt Ashton. The red haired boy across him only chewed on his lip in confusion. 

Calum sighed, he didn't know what to do, but then Luke came back. The tall, lanky blonde walked into the living room not noticing Calum and fell straight into his boyfriends arms sniffing.

"Mikey, sometimes I really hate my job."


	21. Honesty

"Luke?"

The blonds head snapped up, eyes widening in shock and.. guilt?

"Calum?! What are you doing here!" He exclaimed, the tears still dancing down his cheeks. Michael held his boyfriend close. Calum saw the way Luke visibly relaxed and Calum was jealous, he wanted that.

With Ashton.

"I can't find Ash." He began speaking, sadly, "I was telling Michael because I haven't seen him in days and I'm so worried."

Luke gulped and sat further into his boyfriends arms. He had to tell Calum.

"He's not the kind of person to stay mad at a person. He'd never let what someone says affect him." Calum sighed deeply, "I just want to know where he is."

Luke bit his lip harshly, he couldn't keep it to himself.

"Cal.."

The tanned boy looked up.

"Do you know what my job is?" He asked and Calum shook his head. "Mike told me but I forgot."

Michael hummed in agreement.

"He's training to be a doctor." The red head said proudly hugging Luke to him. The doctor melted into his boyfriends touch but his eyes were still focused on Calum.

"Well a few days ago, Ashton was admitted into hospital."

Calum's eyes expanded to the size of saucers.

"He- what?! Luke what the fuck, why didn't you tell me!" Calum roared.

Luke cowered into his boyfriend in fear.

Michael was shocked that Luke knew and didn't think to tell anyone, but Luke was his boyfriend and he didn't like how Calum shouted at his baby.

"Cal, dude calm down, don't speak to Luke like that." He said firmly.

Calum was containing his rage, for now, he just wanted to find out which ward Ashton was in so he could find him.

He took a deep breath, glaring at Luke, the blond doctor hid away. It was clear he was ashamed and sad of his actions and Michael sighed at the situation. 

"What ward is he in?" Calum demanded and Luke looked up, sitting straight.

"I'll take you." Despite his firm posture, his voice was soft and shaky and Calum felt bad.

"Thanks." He said quietly and Luke nodded before leading the way out.


	22. Pain

Calum looked through the window of Ashton's room, tears swelling in his eyes. His jaw dropped and he couldn't believe it. What happened?

He turned around seeing the shocked look on his best friends face and the solemn one on Luke's.

"W-what's wrong with him?" Calum stuttered and Luke bit his lip. 

"I'm in no position to say." He said looking down and that was the last straw for Calum.

He pounced on the blond boy, pushing him up against the wall. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" The tanned boy spat out. His fingers gripped the collar of Luke's shirt tightly.

Calum could see the way Luke's pupil widened, the pale blue of his eyes disappearing. He suddenly clenched his eyes shut and Calum was pushed away. 

"What the fuck!" Michael yelled. He threw a punch to Calum and the boy stumbled back, grabbing his jaw. He was still in a daze as he looked up staring at the other two. Luke was hiding his face in Michael's neck and the red head was holding Luke close.

Michael looked at Calum sadly and Calum shook his head. A few nurses rushed up to the group, one checking Luke and the other two coming to him. 

He let them pull him away and fix him up in another room and then he found himself still sitting in the lonely room. Clenching his knuckles tightly whilst the tears streamed down his cheeks. 

He couldn't get the image of the sick boy tied up to wires out of his mind and he looked down bitterly, the throbbing in his jaw still prominent.

He just wanted Ashton to be okay.


	23. Tears

Calum walked slowly into Ashton's room, head down; too scared to look at the sick boy. He gulped heavily and could feel the stares from the other two boys. He didn't look at them, too confused with his emotions. 

He sat down on the plastic chair and finally looked up at the beautiful, sick boy. Calum reached out for his hand and held it, looking at how many wires were connected to him.

He didn't know how long it had been but the silence in the corridor and hushed whispers from the nurses gave him the idea of it being late.

All of a sudden, he felt a slight grip on his hands. His head snapped, eyes wide as he looked at the boy his heart was going crazy for.

"Cal, what's wrong?" Michael asked worried and Calum tried to gather his words. 

"H-he's waking up." 

Calum looked eagerly at Ashton, his eyes were still shut but the grip he had on Calum tightened and then he scrunched his nose. His body slowly moving and then, his eyes delicately fluttered open.

He looked around, hazel eyes blank as they finally landed on Calum.

It was clear in his eyes that he was hurt, not physically but emotionally and Calum wanted to know why.

"Hi sunshine." He said quietly leaning down and Ashton sniffed sadly.

Calum watched how his eyes began watering until they became glassy from the unshed tears and Calum swore his heart died a little. 

His heart rate monitor was speeding up and the blond doctor got up in a rush. 

"Ash, what's wrong?" Luke asked worriedly and the golden haired boy shook his head closing his eyes. He refused to look at anyone and he took deep breaths, Calum watched his chest rise up and down, he carried on calming himself down whilst Calum was in tears.

Michael had slowly pulled Calum away from Ashton's bed, holding him close and the Kiwi cried into his chest.

"Why's he so sad? Why's he like this? What's going on Mikey, why can't it just go away?!"

Michael sighed sadly and rubbed his best friends back.

The only noises in the room were the occasional beeps from the machines and Luke's hushed voice as he talked to Ashton.

No one in the room was feeling okay; Calum clinged onto his best friend for reassurance; Michael was desperate for answers from his boyfriend; Luke had gone into doctor mode. He needed to help his patient, and one of his closest friends.


	24. Tell Me What’s Wrong

Calum woke up once feeling the soft caresses on his hair and cheeks. He groaned as he felt the light on his eyes, he wasn't ready to get up yet.

And then he remembered yesterday, Calum sat up forcing his eyes open and there he saw Ashton. The hazel eyed boy was propped up on some pillows. Calum had fallen asleep sometime last night whilst holding onto Ashton. He blushed when he saw their hands were still connected and he let go, not wanting Ashton to feel uncomfortable.

Ashton studied the boy besides him, saddening when he noticed the red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"Ash? How are you feeling?"

Calum's voice was soft and so caring and Ashton didn't want to keep ignoring him. He shrugged ignoring the question and he heard the sigh. He probably hates me, Ashton thought.

It was quiet for a while until Calum shyly reached out to hold Ashton's hand. Ashton looked at their intertwined fingers and he couldn't find it in himself to pull away.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

Calum heard his whisper and pulled the plastic chair he was sat on closer to Ashton's bed, his hand still gripping onto the younger boy's hand.

"Don't be sorry sunshine, it's okay you were just scared. Bet you weren't expecting to see me."

Ashton chuckled dryly, shaking his head so his greasy curls swayed slightly.

"Bet you weren't expecting me to be here." He said emotionlessly, "In hospital."

Calum nodded.

"You're right about that."

There was awkward silence in the room, Calum wanted to ask Ashton the questions he had on his mind whilst Ashton pleaded to God that he wouldn't.

Then the door opened, Calum looked back to see an older man. He had slight grey hair but a big friendly smile.

"Well hello there, we have company this time, I'm Dr. Woods. Who are you?"

Calum looked back at Ashton confused, this time? How many times had he been here? But Ashton was already staring down at the thin blanket he had around his hips.

The doctor chuckled to himself, "I'm just here to check up on this one. Doesn't like being here, do you?" He asked directing the question to Ashton and the boy sighed and looked up.

"Not really, I don't think anyone does." He said bitterly and the man laughed like he was used to this.

"It's a different story for me Ashton. I quite enjoy my job and fixing up my patients." He said cheerily and Ashton looked up at him annoyed.

"Well I haven't been fixed." He spat and the doctor looked at Ashton with empathy. He had been with Ashton from the start and he liked the boy. He didn't want his patient to die either, he hated the circumstances.

Calum looked at the doctor awkwardly and decided to excuse himself. The man smiled gratefully before turning to face the sad boy on the bed.


	25. Your Presence Drives Me Crazy

"I'm sorry." Ashton said quietly to his doctor.

"Don't be, you were right. I'm sorry, for not being able to look after you Ashton. I'm really sorry." He said solemnly.

Ashton nodded sadly, his emotions had been tiring him out. Despite just waking up, he was so tired and had a killer headache. His doctor must have sensed his discomfort because he pulled out a pen and started writing things down. 

"You haven't been taking your medicine. Why's that?" He asked curiously.

Ashton sighed and closed his eyes, leaning back against the pillows. "There's no point."

The man hummed quietly, "Your next dose will be after lunch. Shall I invite the young man back inside?"

Ashton nodded weakly and soon it was just him and Calum.

The tension was thick and Ashton was too tired to try and sort it. He breathed out heavily and soon felt Calum's presence beside him. "Ash? What's wrong?" He asked worried.

"I'm good. Just a bit tired." He whispered and Calum nodded. "Want to sleep for a bit? I get it if you need to rest."

Ashton nodded slowly, "I'm sorry."

Calum reached out to hold the delicate boy's hands and whispered, "Don't be."

Ashton's apology meant a lot more. He wasn't just saying it for sleeping on him but also for scaring the kiwi boy, for keeping it away from him and still not being willing to let him know what was going on. 

Calum knew that Ashton meant more with his words and he just wanted to take things back in time to when they'd never met. Because maybe then it wouldn't be as complicated and Calum's heart wouldn't be as heavy with the pain he knew Ashton had tied to him.

Ashton would be too hard to forget. 

And Calum feared he'd go crazy one day, because he was fearing Ashton's absence despite the boy being right here with him. It was too scary; too hard and Calum knew that whatever the sick boy had going on, wasn't going to be good. 

Calum would be hurt in the end and he just couldn't bear to go back to how he used to be. He didn't want to be depressed. He was too tired to fight it, he just wanted to go.

Maybe he would one day.


	26. Make Me Feel Alive

Ashton had been dismissed from hospital. He was still tired and weak but he had Calum with him now. 

"Thank you." Ashton said quietly when Calum had placed him down on the couch. They were at Ashton's house. It was small and bare, but it was home.

"What'd do you wanna do after lunch?" Calum asked and Ashton shrugged his shoulders sighing. 

"I could do with a few wishes." Calum said quietly and Ashton caught his eyes. 

They both knew what Calum would wish for. 

"Don't." Ashton said, voice cracking. His tears were threatening to spill and soon Calum was sat beside him. 

"I just want you to get better, you will Ash." He said passionately and Ashton found himself breaking more. He was gonna ruin Calum.

He turned to look at the tanned boy through his teary eyes and he couldn't stop sobbing. 

Calum's heart was cracking with each tear that glided down Ashton's soft cheeks. He reached up tenderly and caressed his soft skin.

"Don't cry Ash, you'll get better. You'll be okay." 

Ashton shook his head wanting to tell Calum; the words were hanging off his lips but his fear held them back. 

"You will be." Calum replied, determined to stop Ashton crying but nothing could stop the boy from tearing himself apart. 

His hazel eyes looked at Calum in wonder, he was so kind and caring and strong. Ashton knew Calum was scared but still he fought with him on his well-being and Ashton loved Calum so much for it. 

Calum was the only person who brightened his days and blurred the bad parts. Calum was the only thing Ashton never wanted to forget, even when he was rotting away underground.

Calum was the only one that showed Ashton love.

So, Ashton wiped his tears hastily, he leaned into Calum's hand and saw the small smile on his lips. 

He brought Calum closer and kissed him.

Fresh tears streamed down his cheeks and he clenched his eyes tighter wanting to ignore them. He didn't want to focus on the growing ache in his heart and the toxic blood in his veins. He wanted to focus on Calum and learn everything he could about him before he was gone. 

He kissed Calum hard and could feel the same amount of passion be reciprocated.

Pulling away, he kept eye contact with him, "I like you a lot, Cal."

His dark brown eyes lit up, Ashton had seen it close up. His eyebrows raised up and the corners of his eyes creased. The little flecks in his brown eyes lit up like the sun hitting honey and it was so beautiful. 

Coffee eyes, that's what Calum had. Like waking up and staring down at your cup of coffee; it was warm and sweet and made you happy. And Ashton loved it. Loved how looking into them made him feel alive. More than his heart ever could.


	27. You’re My Weakness

"Want me to carry you there?" Calum asked softly and the hazel eyed boy nodded shyly. He still felt so weak and tired.

"Perfect." Calum hummed and soon Ashton was in his arms.

He could feel the sun kissing his skin, and he squinted his eyes because it was so bright. It may have been hot but Ashton's body was weak and small, resulting in him wearing a sweater. It was a pale yellow, Calum had picked it out saying that it was because Ashton was his sunshine. Ashton would never forget that.

Soon he felt himself being placed on the grass. He waited for Calum to sit beside him before he tiredly lay against him, resting his head on Calum's shoulder. He heard the Maori boy sigh sadly.

"I hate seeing you like this." He whispered and Ashton stayed quiet. He didn't know what to say.

I'm sorry I'm like this? You won't see me like this much longer.

His shoulders deflated and they stayed in the silence, neither enjoying it.

Both boys were too scared to face their problems. They just wished they could ignore them until they were forgotten; they didn't want to deal with the pressure and the pain. Ashton looked down wistfully, if only he hadn't wished for Calum to come up to him that day. Then neither would be hurt. 

Ashton wanted to take back all the wishes he made in the day he spotted Calum 'spying' on him. The boy beside him didn't know that Ashton knew he had been watching.

Ashton had been just as intrigued by the new face, and he kinda did hope that the good looking boy would come up to him and make friends. Back then, Ashton would've done everything to have a friend or a few but now he wished it was just himself. So he had no one to hurt when he left.

The sun was setting and Ashton had perked up a bit, he didn't know if he could count the number of sunsets he had left, on his hands. He hoped he wasn't able to, Ashton loved seeing the pretty pastel colours in the sky. Just like the sweaters he wore.

Calum noticed his slight happiness and smiled to himself. 

"Maybe it's time to make that wish?"


	28. Fatal Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m in a field of Dandelions, wishing on every one that you’d be mine...”
> 
> Listen to ‘Dandelions’ by Ruth B :)

Ashton watched the dark haired boy wish on his flower. His pink lips moving and Ashton could make out what he wished for.

His tears erupted and when Calum opened his eyes he was surprised to see Ashton's cheeks coated in the warm liquid.

"Sunshine what's wrong?" He asked worried and the smaller boy fell against him. 

Calum's heart was pacing, it was going crazy and he could feel the sadness sink to his stomach. Ashton was clinging to him, his broken pieces getting even harder to fix and Calum felt like such a disappointment.

"Tell me Ash, please." He cradled the boy to his chest and he swore his heart was breaking.

Calum could never forget the tangy smell of apple from the boy's hair and the small sighs and sobs leaving his lips. He wouldn't be able to erase the memories of Ashton's small hands clenching tightly onto his shirt as he shook his head; golden curls messily swaying around.

He was sure his heart had broken when the boy uttered those words, 

"I'm dying Cal."

His hands dropped and he pulled away looking at he hazel eyed boy. 

"W-what?" He stuttered, the words scattered all over his tongue. "What d-do you mean? You're not dying! You're o-okay."

Ashton cried louder, his sobs piercing the muscles of Calum's heart. 

"No I'm not Cal, I'm dying."

"You can't!" Calum explained in a frenzy, his hands were placed on Ashton's shoulder trying to shake some sense into the sick boy but it was no use. There was nothing either could do.

"I'm sorry." Ashton cried bitterly, "I'm so, so sorry."

Calum shook his head firmly, not wanting to believe it. He wanted to push the morbid thoughts out of his mind.

He looked everywhere but Ashton and the sick boy knew that heartache was worse than any other kind of pain he had felt.

The dark eyed boy pulled out flower after flower, clenching his eyes shut and letting the tears slide down his chubby cheeks as he wished.

He kept wishing for Ashton to stay alive.


	29. All I Need Is You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I see forever in your eyes..”

It was late. Calum and Ashton were still at the field. But there was a painful distance between the two, with Ashton longing to be back in Calum's arms.

There were thousands and thousands of dandelions surrounding the two and Ashton looked at them wistfully. No amount of wishes would make him better. He was stupid for thinking so.

Calum hadn't spoken since he had tugged on the many flowers. Ashton just wanted to know how he felt, whether he was okay, and if not, then he wanted to make him.

"Cal." His words were quiet, the pain so evident in them and he hated who he was.

"Please talk to me." He begged looking down at the sleeves of his sweater. It was damp because of the tears he had wiped.

"What do you wish for?" Calum asked quietly, "On the dandelions. What uses up your wishes?"

Ashton looked at Calum in confusion, his eyebrows drawn together. "Huh?" 

The other boy ran a hand down his face and then through his thick, curly hair. "What do you wish for?"

Ashton was confused, he just told the boy that he was dying and he's more interested in what Ashton wishes for?

"I-I used to wish to be happy. Then I wished to live longer, but I gave up with that." He said quietly, pain bloomed in his lungs, it gripped his organs and it was getting harder to breathe.

"What do you wish for now?"

Ashton turned to face the kiwi boy, "Why do you want to know?" His eyebrows were raised.

"Because I don't want you to die." Calum said quietly, his lip trembling as he said those words. "You have to wish harder. You can't leave me Ash."

He looked down at his hands sighing, he had to tell him. "I- I love you Ash. I can't have another person I love, leave."

Ashton looked at him sadly, his eyes dull; his heart empty; his lungs on fire.

"I wish for you to be happy." He confessed, "Ever since I met you, I wished that you and me could be happy. I knew you were special. Don't be sad Cal, please. I'm not worth crying over."

But the Maori boy shook his head, looking down at the ground, he let his tears cascade down his cheeks. All those days it made sense, Ashton being excited to make his wishes. He was wishing for them. 

He pulled Ashton towards him and he frowned when he heard Ashton's whimpers of pain.

"Sunshine? What's wrong? Do you need help?" He asked and Ashton shook his head fiercely.

"I just need you right now." He whispered before kissing Calum.

Ashton loved Calum too.


	30. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I feel okay when I see you smile..”

The sun was shining down on all four boys as they messed around in the woods. Michael had jumped into the lake, shrieking at the coldness but laughing at the thrill. Luke fondly watched his boyfriend, paddling towards him and pecked him on his cheeks before swimming away, squealing as he was being chased.

Ashton and Calum were sat on the ledge, feet splashing the water and holding onto each other's hands. Ashton wanted to spend some time with the three people in his life that meant the most.

Ashton looked down at his and Calum's connected hands and smiled to himself. He really did love the boy. Calum looked beautiful with the sun making his skin glow, his hair was a curly mess from showering earlier and he had a glint in his eyes. 

Ashton ignored the increased pain in his lungs. His time was coming soon but he couldn't and wouldn't let it ruin his day.

"Cal." He hummed and the tanned boy turned to look at him with a smile. It made Ashton's heart leap and he leaned up and kissed him softly, smiling into the kiss.

"I love you." He said quietly.

Calum's eyes widened as he stared at Ashton. His jaw was slightly opened and the red head in the water noticed as he swam towards the pair.

The two boys were unaware of Michael and Luke watched his boyfriend, biting his lip to stop himself from laughing. 

Suddenly, Calum was pulled into the water with a scream. All three boys were laughing at the tanned boy and he glared angrily at Michael, the green eyed boy had a mischievous grin painted on his lips and Luke was shaking his head at him, amused. Calum was ready to chase Michael; the water was cold and Calum did not like it. But then he stopped and turned around.

Ashton was still laughing so hard, his head thrown back and his eyes creased. The sun was right above him and the layer of frizz around his golden hair reminded him of a halo. He looked like an angel.

Calum cocked his head to the side in awe and ignored the other two boy who were probably busy doing something else as he swam towards his crush. 

"Calum? No! Please don't pull me in." Ashton protested, little giggles slipped out of his pink lips and Calum inched closer. 

The curly haired boy shuffled back slightly but Calum had reached him and placed his arms on either side of his thighs. 

"I won't." He said.

Ashton raised his eyebrows so instead, Calum reached for his wrists and pulled him closer, he was still on the ledge. The hazel eyed boy giggled as the wet boy tried to place his hands on Ashton's thigh. 

"What are you trying to do?" He asked smiling and Calum looked up at him smiling too before leaning in to kiss him. 

Ashton gasped softly in surprise and kissed Calum back, his wrists were wet from Calum's hold and his trousers getting slightly damp from the water Calum had splashed but he didn't mind as he kept on kissing the sun kissed boy.

Calum pulled away, "I'm sorry sunshine."

And then Ashton had been plunged into the water too with a shriek, the ruckus had caused the other two boys to turn around and burst out into laughter.

Ashton couldn't be mad, it was kinda funny and only fair and he wrapped his arms around Calum's neck not wanting to be separated from him. He laughed lightly at him, "That was mean but I don't mind."

"Cal?" He questioned and then Ashton was being kissed again. He felt arms wrap around his waist pulling him closer in the water and lifting him up. Calum's lips were soft as they moved against his own and with the soft heat from the sun above them, Ashton was sure he was in heaven.

He blushed furiously as Luke and Michael cheered them on and when they pulled away, he rested his head on Calum's. 

Calum had a huge grin on his face; his eyes bright and Ashton thought he looked so beautiful. He softly pushed back Calum's wet curls to see his chocolate eyes clearly and he sighed contently.

"Ash?"

The older boy hummed.

"I love you too."


	31. Fading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wishing on Dandelions all the time..”

Calum was back at home, in bed with the biggest smile in his face as he scrolled through pictures of Ashton. He loved, loved, loved the boy so much.

They had been spending so much time together recently and Ashton seemed happier. That's all Calum wanted. 

He couldn't sleep. Calum's mind was still wrapped around Ashton but he wished that it was his arms instead. He would pull the boy closer and kiss his head, then his cute nose, then his lips and just lay beside him. 

The butterflies had been fluttering in his stomach all day and he was just so happy.

Calum decided to call Ashton and he bit his lip, containing his smile when the cute boy answered.

"Cal?"

"It's me."

"Hiii." He spoke softly. Calum's grin widened, it was a wonder how his cheeks didn't ache.

"Hi sunshine, I miss you."

Calum heard Ashton's light giggles over the phone and he swore his heart was going crazy. Calum felt like a teenager all over again but he liked the feeling, Ashton made him so happy.

The two boy talked for hours, forgetting about all their struggles and just the world. They were in their own little bubble of giggles and small smiles and nothing could take them out of it.

Ashton's face on the screen was slightly blurry but Calum still found him breathtaking. He gazed at his phone, watching the golden haired boy carry on talking. He was just so pretty, so perfect.

He didn't deserve to die.

Calum eyes stung as he looked at the angel in front of him. He wished he could take his sickness away, he'd much rather die than watch Ashton slowly fade away. 

Calum had been so badly affected by the death of his sister and it was Ashton that had pulled him out of his dark hole. But now with Ashton leaving, he'd fall into an even deeper hole. No one would help him, not even Calum would help himself. He wanted Ashton. 

But Ashton would be gone.


	32. The Beginning Of His End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Praying to God that one day you’ll be mine..”

Ashton hadn't been feeling good lately. Calum had just dropped him home, leaving only after Ashton had insisted he was fine but now he wished he hadn't. 

He slowly walked into the kitchen and filled a glass of water. His eyes glanced over the silver packet of his medication and he grimaced, he hadn't taken it earlier.

Ashton's fingers lightly traced over it and he couldn't take it anymore so he flung it away. He hadn't realised that the tears had been flowing and he clenched his eyes shut for a minute. He wanted Calum.

He pulled out his phone, staring at his lock screen. A picture of the Maori boy, his lips curved into a grin and his eyes bright as he was on his knees holding a cute puppy to his chest. They had taken that picture earlier on in the week. The puppy was tied to a sign outside of the cafe and Calum couldn't resist. Ashton didn't mind, he'd do anything to make Calum happy.

Ashton's tears landed on the screen, the water blurring the picture of Calum and he let out his sobs. His head resting on his hands as he placed his phone down. He tugged angrily on his hair.

If he had only taken his medicine then he would've been okay. He wouldn't be sick. 

Ashton then, desperately scrolled through the contacts on his phone looking for Calum and let out a huge breath as he pressed 'Diall'.

It took a few seconds and he was left on voicemail.

He didn't know what to do. He just wanted to get better.

For Cal. 

Cal. With his not so secret spying techniques and his pretty smile. And his dark taste in music- but all the songs he listened to were beautiful. The only eyes that made Ashton feel drunk with love and god Ashton just wanted to be perfect for the boy he loved.

He was so out of it, consumed by his sadness and tears. Or maybe he was tired, sick and tired of living like this. The hazel eyed boy had popped all the pills and swallowed them dry. 

He smiled slightly to himself. 

He could get better now.


	33. Frozen In Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wishing on Dandelions all of the time..”

Calum had been in the hospital waiting room for hours. He was adamant that Ashton could get better. 

It had been just over an hour when they had found him. The drugs shouldn't have that much of an effect. The doctor said he might be okay.

He is okay.

Luke had paled when he walked out of a session with another one of his patients, only to see his friend whizz by to the operating theatre. 

They all knew that the chances were low, and now; they had to tell Calum.

The tanned boy had been staring through the windows, watching and waiting for any news. He was oblivious to Michael and all the nurses behind him. 

He was sure that his sunshine was okay. 

"Cal please, just listen to us." Michael pleaded and Calum tried hard to ignore the crack in his heart as he heard the pained voice of his best friend. 

"He's okay." Calum said softly. "He's not gonna go from this. He was meant to have a little more time, meant to die from his lungs."

He turned around to see his red haired friend in pieces. 

"Stop crying Mike, he'll be okay."

Michael nodded pathetically and clung on to Calum. 

"Cal listen to me." He spoke through his tears. "Ashton h-he might not make it-"

Calum pulled away.

"Stop. Just stop it!" He cried staring at Michael and the nurses. "I know Ashton, I know my sunshine. He's not dying."

Ashton's body lay bundled beneath sheets as Calum sat on the couch against the wall, hiding in the shadows. He had made it through surgery and now they were just waiting.

Calum felt like his head would explode from anymore waiting. 

But this was Ashton. He would wait all his life for the sick boy on the bed.


	34. His End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dandelion into the wind you go..”

Ashton had woken up. He smiled at Calum and reached out for him. They talked for a little bit, forgetting their sadness.

Ashton told Calum he loved him. Calum told Ashton he loved him.

Their fingers stayed intertwined and Calum placed dozens of small kisses on his knuckles and a small one on his pink lips. Things were okay.

But now they weren't. 

Calum saw the way his heart rate monitor was changing, Ashton had his eyes closed and Calum panicked. 

The doctors came rushing in and pushed him outside and Calum screamed and cried- begging to be let inside. 

He had let out tear after tear and he couldn't see anything. His eyes were sore to touch with dark bags under them and his heart was like shattered glass. Impossible to fix.

He knew what they had been saying all along but he refused to listen. But now, he'd have to. Calum wasn't stupid, the end had come quicker than the two boys wanted and Calum wished for a miracle. 

He tugged on his greasy curls, ignoring the soft cries from Michael.

He was losing his mind. 

Calum looked inside through the window, watching the frantic doctors rush around his boy. 

The glass steamed up when he breathed out and he tiredly, leant against the wall.

Before he had met the dandelion boy, he thought he was indestructible. Thought that nothing or no one could ever, make him suffer like Mali had but he was so wrong. Calum just wanted to give up.

All movement had stopped inside Ashton's room and Calum couldn't stop himself from falling to the ground, hiding his head and crying. 

The door creaked open and footsteps were heard. 

It was quiet, too quiet and Calum wished that the hospital was busy so he could focus on the little things and ignore the one huge factor of his life. 

He heard the familiar doctor's voice. When Calum had first met the doctor, his voice was loud and kind. It was evident the man loved looking after his patients but now his voice was quiet. It was full of sadness and Calum flinched at how empty it sounded. He clenched his eyes tight and pressed hard on his ears, blocking out the noise but nothing worked.

His heart had been ripped apart when he heard the news. His chest clogging up, making it harder to breathe and he felt himself go faint as black spots took over. 

The last thing he heard was the unmistakable beep of the machine, telling him that his lovers heart had failed.


	35. Not Forgetting, Just Accepting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Won’t you let my darling know?”

Calum's therapist had been right. Time did help with the healing. But it doesn't make you forget. Calum was still haunted by Ashton's smile and his soft giggles. And Calum still missed him so damn much. 

But things were getting better. And he knew that, because today, when he woke up he had picked out the red and white t-shirt that Ashton had loved seeing him wear. Instead of throwing it to the back of his cupboard, he took some time looking at it. His eyes brimmed with tears but he was determined to wear it. 

He threw it on the bed, having an internal battle with himself until he finally slipped it on. Calum's therapist would be proud.

Ashton had died nearly six months ago, and the pain was still raw. Calum didn't think it would ever be easier but his therapist had said that was okay.

The tanned boy couldn't bring it in himself to move houses, he couldn't leave behind their field. Where they had created so many memories.

Calum hadn't visited in six months.

He wasn't planning on going back anytime soon, it still scared him. But maybe today, he'd look at the dandelions.

With a shake of his head he set off.

His therapist had wore a yellow shirt today. She was speaking to him about something but Calum wasn't paying attention, he was too busy staring at something else.

Her shirt. Yellow like sunflowers...sunshine.

With each passing day, the pain in his heart numbed, it was still there but he had grown to bear it. The love he had for the boy was still immense and Calum knew that one day they'd have their time together.

Somewhere, some day, far away from here. 

They'd be happy forever. 

Ashton had been cruelly snatched away from him, deprived of his time and deprived from Calum's love. But Calum would make sure that he'd love his sunshine boy and never forget him.

No matter what, he'd always be on Calum's mind. With every blow of a dandelion, Calum would wish to be brought to his boy soon.


End file.
